When Compassion Becomes Self-Denial: Listening to What Your Body Knows

Your body always knows when something isn’t okay

Compassion is a beautiful quality — until it costs us our own dignity, sense of safety, or self-worth. Then it’s no longer compassion. It’s self-denial.

During my free somatic class Beneath Overwhelm: What your Body Is Asking For, one of the women who attended live shared:

“I often justify other people's behaviour (trying to think the best of them), even if they’ve hurt my feelings or haven’t met my needs.”

When she shared this, I could sense how many of us related to that confusing feeling of trying to be understanding, while something deep in the body whispers, “this doesn’t feel okay.”

When compassion crosses the line into self-denial

Compassion and forgiveness are beautiful qualities. But when they come at the cost of our own safety, dignity, or sense of self-worth, they stop being compassion and start becoming self-denial.

Our bodies often know this before our minds do.
Some of us feel it as a tightness in the chest.
For others, it’s a sinking feeling in the belly, or a subtle unease we can’t quite name.

This is your body saying: please pay attention.

These sensations are intelligent communication, in-built guidance designed to protect you. When we know we matter, we listen. We let the body’s communication shape what we say, what we allow, and what we will or won’t tolerate.

Why we override the body’s wisdom

When life experiences or the culture we live in teach us that our needs for safety and respect don’t matter, we learn to override the body’s truth.

We tell ourselves “They didn’t mean it” or “It’s not that bad.”
We stay agreeable when honesty is needed.
We stay quiet when truth is calling.

I know this intimately.

For years, I did it — in relationships, friendships, and at work. I swallowed anger, frustration, and the impulse to speak honestly, just to manage how I was perceived. I internalised mistreatment and assumed I must be the problem.

No matter how many times I tried to silence the feeling that something wasn’t right, it never went away.

Somatic awareness as an act of self-respect

Somatic work taught me to listen to those feelings, and to see that doing so wasn’t overreacting. It was self-respect.

This is how we cultivate self-trust:
By no longer abandoning ourselves in the name of understanding someone else.

When we learn to honour what our body communicates — through sensations, tension, and emotion — we begin to rebuild a relationship with ourselves rooted in dignity and self-honesty.

Your body’s wisdom is trustworthy

In my somatic coaching work with women, I very often see how compassion can quietly become self-abandonment when the body’s signals are ignored. If you recognise this pattern in yourself, please know that what you feel in your body matters.

You deserve to be in relationships and environments where you can be completely yourself — where your body can finally exhale.

If being “understanding” has sometimes meant abandoning your own needs for safety, dignity, or respect — this may be the moment to reconnect with your body’s guidance and self-trust.

→ Book a free Get-to-Know-Each-Other Call
→ Or explore how somatic coaching can help you rebuild a relationship of trust with your body.

If you’re ready to start listening to your body’s guidance, you might also enjoy Beneath Overwhelm: What Your Body Is Asking For — a free somatic class that helps you reconnect with what your body truly needs.

Further reading:

• Why Do I Always Put Others First? — how to stop silencing your own needs and trusting what your body already knows.