Why Do I Always Put Others First? How to Stop Silencing Your Needs and Start Trusting Yourself
Why Do I Always Put Others First?
How to Stop Silencing Your Needs and Start Trusting Yourself
When you’ve spent a lifetime keeping everyone else happy, having needs of your own can feel dangerous.
Many of my clients — and I — share this experience. We entered adulthood with a deeply ingrained habit of putting everyone else’s needs before our own. Speaking our needs out loud — saying yes or no based on what we truly want — doesn’t just feel awkward. It can feel like a matter of survival.
I worked myself into the ground for companies that didn’t care about me. I tried to reason with a boss who was an outright bully, even pulling all-nighters to avoid provoking his anger.
I stayed in relationships where I believed it was “normal” to feel scared about expressing what I wanted. I kept quiet to “keep the peace,” even when deep down I knew it didn’t feel right.
Why We Learn to Put Everyone Else First
Being the one who holds everything together: who sacrifices time, energy and needs so others are comfortable — is praised in many cultures. But it’s also one of the biggest causes of anxiety, overwhelm, and depletion in women.
For many of us, our bodies learned long ago that safety equals silence. That love, approval, or acceptance were tied to self-sacrifice. And when your nervous system believes your belonging depends on pleasing others, setting a boundary or naming a need can feel deeply unsafe — even if you know it’s what’s right for you.
It’s why we work ourselves into the ground for companies that don’t care about us.
Why we stay quiet in relationships when we’re scared our needs will push someone away.
Why we say yes when every part of us wants to say no.
The Hidden Cost of Silencing Your Needs
For years, I tried to patch over the symptoms — the anxiety, the health issues, the exhaustion — while ignoring what my body was trying to tell me.
The bandaids didn’t create lasting change. And they never do.
Because the problem isn’t the anxiety itself, it’s what’s beneath it. The part of us that still believes having needs will cost us love, safety, or belonging.
This is why so many women end up overwhelmed, disconnected, or resentful. It’s not because we’re weak. It’s because we’ve spent our lives overriding our needs to keep everyone else comfortable, and our bodies are exhausted from carrying that weight.
How Somatic Coaching Helps You Feel Safe Putting Yourself First
Real change began for me when I learned how to identify my needs, stay with the feelings that came up when I started honouring them, and unravel the beliefs that told me doing so would lead to rejection or abandonment.
This is the heart of my work with clients: supporting them to feel and name what they need, to know what’s a yes and what’s a no, and to build the capacity to receive nourishment and support, even when their bodies still expect rejection or disapproval.
When we stop treating anxiety and overwhelm with bandaids and start listening to what those feelings are pointing us toward, everything — our relationships, our choices, our connection with ourselves — begins to change.
You Deserve to Take Up Space
You deserve to have needs.
You deserve to take up space.
You deserve support, rest, nourishment, and care.
If this resonates, this is exactly the work I do in my 1:1 somatic coaching sessions, helping women stop abandoning themselves, feel safe in their bodies, and rebuild trust in their inner wisdom. You can learn more or book an introductory session here.