Why Is It So Hard to Speak Up for Yourself? A Somatic Perspective
A common theme that comes up in my client work is the challenge of speaking up in relationships.
For some, it’s over-extending to avoid conflict with difficult family members.
For others, it’s seeing how things could improve at work but staying silent so as not to rock the boat.
For others, it’s carrying the heavy weight of parenting or running the household without enough support, for fear of their partner feeling criticised.
For others, it’s letting hurtful comments slide because “they probably didn’t mean it”.
So many of us have learned, through our families, cultures, and experiences, to be afraid to say what we really think.
Why We Learn to Stay Quiet
In nature-led somatics, we don’t pathologise this pattern of self-suppression. It doesn’t come from nowhere.
We learn to stay quiet to retain love and approval.
We learn to hold back to avoid feeling different or misunderstood.
We learn to stay silent to protect our income or our belonging.
We learn to swallow the words that ache to be spoken, to keep ourselves safe.
All of these reasons are very real for our nervous systems.
This is often the root of people pleasing, decision paralysis, and the feeling that you can’t say no, even when you know what you need.
When Silence Becomes Disconnection
Over time, staying quiet can lead to feeling disconnected from yourself.
You might notice:
difficulty making decisions
feeling overwhelmed by emotions
not trusting yourself
putting others first at your own expense
These patterns don’t mean something is wrong with you. They often reflect a nervous system that learned silence was safer than expression.
A Somatic Approach to Speaking Up
So instead of learning another communication tool or boundary script, in my work we work somatically with what your nervous system remembers.
Somatic coaching helps you feel safe in your body so that expression no longer feels like a threat to connection, belonging, or security.
Over time, your body can learn to trust and express what you think, know and feel, reclaiming your capacity for self-expression, and the sense of freedom and aliveness that comes with it.
What Begins to Change
My clients share how they:
speak up in meetings
ask for the promotion they’ve deserved for years
express themselves in ways that deepen connection
stop staying silent to stay connected
leave relationships that require them to silence themselves
These shifts don’t come from forcing confidence. They come from the body learning that it is safe to have a voice.
If You’re Curious About What Might Shift for You
My somatic coaching practice is close to full, and I now work from a waitlist for private coaching.
If you’re curious about what might shift for you with this type of support, you’re welcome to join the waitlist by clicking the button at the top of this page. I’ll be in touch when a space opens.