I Married Someone I Knew Wasn’t Right for Me Because I Didn’t Trust What I Felt in My Body

I spent years of my life in a relationship with someone I knew wasn’t right for me within the first few weeks.

Despite my body giving me clear signals, viscerally responding to things that were said and done, and constantly feeling on edge, I didn’t know how to take those signals at face value. From the beginning, my body was trying to tell me something wasn’t right.

Why I Kept Talking Myself Out of What I Felt

No matter how much I meditated and focused on my “wellness”, I couldn’t quiet what my system was trying to tell me. Eventually, the impact of constantly overriding myself started showing up physically too.

At the time, I didn’t realise how deeply disconnected from myself I’d become. I was living almost entirely in my thoughts, constantly talking myself out of what I felt.

I’d feel something, and then the analysing thoughts would kick in.

• Do I feel this way because of past experiences?

• Is this because of my attachment style?

• Is it relationship anxiety?

• Am I overreacting?

• Am I being unfair?

Rather than simply trusting what I felt, and allowing it to guide me, I continued questioning myself.

I allowed myself to be convinced and coerced into going along with someone else’s version of the truth because, despite how horrible it felt to do so, it still felt safer than trusting and acting on what my body was showing me.

Even when my body started screaming louder, I continued second-guessing myself.

The Nervous System Pattern So Many Women Live In

Eventually, I reached breaking point and found the right support.

Over time, with attuned and body-led guidance, I rebuilt my relationship with myself and my body. I learned how to listen to my body instead of constantly overriding it. I learned how to trust myself, my body and my instincts again after years of doing the opposite.

And what I’ve come to see, both personally and through working with clients, is that so many women live this way without realising it.

Many of us learned early on that being agreeable was the way to stay safe or connected. That filtering how we really thought or felt avoided friction, and that keeping the peace was safer than speaking honestly.

Over time, those responses become automatic.

You stop trusting your discomfort. You stop trusting your anger, your sadness, your resistance, your knowing. You start assuming that everyone else’s needs, opinions, certainty or interpretations are more trustworthy than your own internal experience.

And eventually, you can lose your relationship with yourself entirely.

How Somatic Work Helps You Rebuild Self-Trust

Somatic work isn't about endlessly analysing the pattern more.

It's about rebuilding the capacity to trust yourself in real time.

To notice what your body is communicating without immediately overriding it.
To speak without spiralling afterwards.
To make decisions more clearly.
To stop negotiating yourself out of what you already know.

And the good news is that this capacity already exists inside of you. It just needs the right conditions to come back online.

If you recognise yourself in the pattern of overriding or second-guessing what you know, you're welcome to join my coaching waitlist here.

When a space becomes available, I'll be in touch to offer a complimentary call. A chance to share a little of what's happening for you, hear my reflections from a nervous system perspective, and sense whether this work feels like the right support.